In light of it being Valentine’s Day soon and the week of love, I thought it would be fitting to speak about the most important type of love there is: our own love.
Ever since I was a little girl, I had this idea in mind that one day I would grow up and find my one true love and I would live happily ever after. Doesn’t every little girl have the same dream to some extent? Or maybe we can go a bit further and say that, doesn’t ever human being have the same dream – the find their true love, the one that will “complete” them.
But the more I dive into my journey of self love and overall inner discovery, the more I realize that this is a myth. There is no perfect soul mate. There is no one person that can complete us. There is nobody on this earth who can make us feel 100% happy, 100% whole and 100% fulfilled. It’s impossible. Why? Because we’re human. Because we are flawed. Because we weren’t made to complete each other in that way.
Yes, of course we can love each other and honor each other and bring some sort of happiness into each other’s lives, but there is absolutely no way that one human being can take on the giant responsibility of providing someone else happiness. It just doesn’t work. There will always be something missing.
When I first realized this, my dreams were crushed. I thought, well what is the point of relationships then if it’s not to make each other happy. While, yes, when you are in a relationship you do want to make that other person happy because you love them so much and their happiness brings you happiness. But at the same time, you should not live your life expecting to be “made happy” by other people. In other words, don’t rely on anyone for your own happiness.
So what is the point of relationships. Well, I guess we can get into that in greater detail another time, but in reality, the point of relationships is not to receive but to give. To honor your mate. To bring out the best in each other and encourage each other to be their own best. Love isn’t about seeing who can make you the happiest or feel most loved, although many people ignorantly enter relationships thinking that their other half is going to magically completely them and make their lives perfect. But unfortunately, if we enter a relationship with this mindset, then we will only end up even more empty and disappointed in time. It’s inevitable, no matter how perfect your significant other may seem.
So how do we find true, deep, lasting happiness and love?
Well by loving ourselves. By relying on ourselves for true love and if you believe in Christ Jesus, by relying on Him to give you the kind of lasting, unfailing love that is true. This is the ONLY way, my friends, to truly be happy and to truly be fulfilled and “complete.” Every other kind of love or happiness or fulfillment that you seek will always be fleeting. It may last for a while, but eventually the emptiness will start to creep in once more and you will begin your search again for true fulfillment.
Ever since I’ve changed my mindset from seeking out love and fulfillment and wholeness from other people, to seeking it within myself and from Christ, I feel a deep, deep sense of love. I feel secure. I feel fulfilled. I feel whole. I feel worthy. And I feel loved. Why? Because the love that is in me comes from Christ, who’s love for me is unconditional and unfailing. And because I have His love in me, I can also love myself in the same way. It will never let me down. It will never leave me. It will never turn it’s back on me.
I have me. For good. For always. Forever. I obviously can’t escape myself right? So I will always be there. And that’s the kind of love that we all need to learn to depend on. Ourselves. That inner kind of love that will always be true and lasting. That has no conditions. That is perfect because His love is perfect.
I feel that once we begin to seek out that kind of love, then we will no longer feel that emptiness or that unfulfilled desire when we are in relationships. Because once we feel whole within ourselves, then there are no parts missing, so we don’t need those parts to be filled by others. But if we go into a relationship with holes, we are already seeking to be filled by whoever and whatever. Makes sense right?
I can’t stress enough how much seeking out self love has made a difference in my life. Before this journey, I was very insecure and constantly trying to prove my worth to other people so that in return, I could “earn” their love and feel whole again. But it never works because there will always be someone who will hold back, or who won’t give you exactly what you are seeking, and then you will always be left feeling unfulfilled or unworthy.
The Self Love Daily Challenge #039: Seek your own love.
Today, and from now on, get in touch with yourself. Seek your own love. Know that you will always be there for yourself and that the love you give to yourself will never fail you because it comes from God. Remember that wholeness only comes from feeling whole first through ourselves, before finding it through other people. Don’t depend on others for happiness or fulfillment. You are the only love that you truly need. Every other love is just a bonus that will overfill your heart.
I love you my friends.