We all have our moments of insecurity. The past few days I have been battling a bout of insecurity myself. What causes insecurity in the first place? I always thought it was just something that happens, for no particular reason. Some days we just seem more fragile than others. But I recently discovered, there is a deeper reason for it. Uncertaintly.
Insecurity is bred from from uncertainty. When we feel uncertain about something, we start to feel insecure. It can be anything really. We start to feel like our job might not be as certain as it once was, so we begin to feel insecure. We act out of desperation. We start to work even harder, striving for this level of perfection so that we can prove our worth to our boss so they will praise us and say we are worthy and in the end, hopefully keep us in our position. However, at the same time we lose our confidence when we feel this kind of insecurity. We begin to lose our sense of worth and feel like we must earn it back, because somewhere down the line it was lost. However, when we begin to regain that sense of certainty, or sense of control really, we begin to feel confident once more. We feel that we are worthy and that all is well.
The job scenario is just one example of where this kind of insecurity can be felt. But there are many other areas that are also common. For example, insecurity as a person, in or out of a relationship. This particular example is where I am currently struggling. Part of me feels insecure because I have no certain future anymore. I do no know who I will end up with, or if I will even end up with anyone at all. I feel uncertainty with the idea of whether or not I will ever get married or have a family. And because of these fears and my feeling of lack of control over my future, I am beginning to experience this insecurity. And it frightens me. I feel almost as if I am starting to act of out desperation in some ways, trying to hard to regain some sense of control, to feel some sort of certainty. It’s when we begin to act out of this type of deserpation when things further start to spiral downward. Because instead of being patient and waiting for things fall into place, we force them to happen instead and wind up either settling or doing something that simply doesn’t make us as happy as we could potentially be if we had just waited a little longer. I’ve also been feeling old emotions creep up like lonliness, sadness, and hopelessness. That is not healthy either. Because the other thing we all tend to do when we begin to feel these emotions, is quickly try to find a way to escape feeling them, which again makes us act hastily into further complicating our lives just so we can find some sort of control.
So you see, insecurity only breeds trouble and complication. It is never a good thing to have. Of course, we should always be wary and not take things for granted, but we should never get to the point where we lose our confidence or our sense of worth. The truth is, we are always going to feel uncertainty throughout our lives. It is inevitable. So instead we must learn to be ok with uncertainty. To be ok with not having complete control, but instead, simply making the best decisions based upon the knowledge and control we do have. We should never act out of desperaton, but rather keep our composure and stay patient as things will always fall into place.
So returning to my title of this post, instead of allowing yourself to fall into the trap of insecurity, “put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together,” as Elizabeth Taylor once said. In other words, regain your sense of worth, know your value, and act like you are worthy. Do not allow yourself to fall apart simply because you feel afraid of losing control or that your life is not going the exact way you had planned. Just wait. Be patient with yourself and realize that maybe there is still room to grow or maybe the timing is off or maybe there is still some missing piece that must fall into place. It’s ok not to know every single detail of how it’s going to work out. If we did, it would remove the mystery of life itself. And what fun is that?
So I followed Liz Taylor’s advice. I’ve put on some lipstick and I’m going to go out into the world today with a brand new attitude. I know my worth. I know that I will be ok whether or not I have all the things I want in my life at this exact moment. I will be ok on my own. I do not need certainty in my life to feel like I am worthy of good things or worthy as a person. I will be patient and allow things to fall in it’s place as time goes on. Repeat those affirmations to yourself as well. Regain that confidence that you know you have inside of you. We were not born to live in fear and insecurity. We were born to feel confident and brave. This is the only way we are ever going to move forward towards the greater purposes of our lives.
The Self Love Daily Challenge: Regain your confidence and pull yoursef together.
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