Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes: On How Self Love Will Change Your Life.

Hello lovely people.

I just wanted to say welcome to my new followers and thank you for all of the likes and well…following of my blog. It’s so nice to see this page growing slowly but surely. It really motivates me to keep writing and to keep sharing whatever wisdom I gain with my followers to help them further better themselves. Feel free to keep liking, sharing, and commenting on any of my posts! I would love to connect with you!

As I’m sure you’re all aware of from my last post, I did lose my dog over this past weekend and it has been pretty rough on me, but I am slowly pulling myself together and trying to move on with life, because apparently it doesn’t stop for anything…not even death. So with that said, it’s motivating me to start up a new post and move forward in the best way I can. But I will be continuing to practice patience and loving kindness with myself over the next  few weeks to give myself some room to grieve and settle into these changes.

So onward with today’s topic!

I’ve been speaking to some people lately about my self love journey and the more I speak about it, the more I realize how much I really am changing. In just a year, I have gone from being this insecure, fear-driven, closed –off and worthless feeling individual to this woman who is constantly growing into her self confidence and finding love within herself that is completely changing her entire world. I don’t mean to sound cocky or arrogant, but it’s true. Self love has changed my life.

I remember before I used to constantly have this empty feeling like I just wasn’t good enough for anyone. And whenever I had this feeling, I would strive to be good enough by going above and beyond and trying to please people in whatever way I could think of. I would get taken advantage of many times and it began to take a bigger toll on my self esteem because then I would begin to think that people didn’t respect me, which meant that I wasn’t good enough to be respected.

I would carry this idea of not feeling good enough into my relationship as well. I would constantly ask my then-boyfriend to reassure me of his love. “Do you love me? Are you sure? You really do right?” I almost feel crazy now that I think about it. You could hear the desperation for love in my voice. I’ve noticed that the more we seek love from others, the more desperately we begin to crave it, and the less we actually receive it. People do want to love us, and we are lovable people, but when we put off that insecure, desperate vibe, it subconsciously does make people un-attracted to who we are. I’m not saying we aren’t worthy of their love, I’m just saying people are naturally more attracted to others who are confident and believe in their own self worth.

I remember my own mother telling me that the reason why I felt this way was because I didn’t love myself. That concept seemed so foreign to me. What is loving myself? Ok, self, I love you. There. Was that enough? But then I realized it wasn’t. I had to truly change my core way of thinking and how I viewed my own self worth. I had to work on believing that I truly was worthy and deserving of love and that I had confidence hiding within me that was just waiting to be released.

I notice that people who do lack self love are the ones who are usually very insecure, jealous, and fear-driven people. I’m not saying they are bad people; I’m just saying that they are broken. Broken in the sense that they do not love themselves. When we lack our own love, we begin viewing ourselves as unworthy of receiving anyone else’s love, so we tend to falsely believe that we must earn it instead. We try to earn it by doing whatever we can for others in hopes that in return they will give us the affirmation of their love.  But this is not how healthy love works.

I noticed that once I began to start working on loving myself more, my need for seeking love from others also began to decrease. I didn’t feel as desperate for it. I also began to feel more confident, feeling like I did not have to work as hard to please others so that they would love me in return. I started to notice that people naturally became more attracted to me and I naturally began to feel more open because of my new found confidence.

An example of my new found confidence can be seen in my recent pleasure in speaking with strangers or acquaintances. A year ago, I would have never done this because I would have been too afraid of what they would think of me or that maybe I wasn’t interesting enough to be talking to them. My fear would have driven me far away from making any kind of connection. But now, I don’t care so much. I know my worth. I know that I am an interesting person and have interesting things to say. So I just talk. And what I’ve found out is people really aren’t that scary and everyone deep down is afraid of being just as vulnerable as you. But if you both put your guards down, you can truly find some real amazing connection.

Just the other day, a co-workers asked me randomly about the breakfast I was eating (peanut butter toast with chia seeds and blueberries). She asked me what the tiny seeds were sprinkled all over my peanut butter. Normally, I would’ve just quickly responded with “chia seeds” and gone about my day. Very closed off. Very insecure sounding. But I explained to her in more detail what they were and the health benefits. She could tell by my vibe that I was pretty passionate and open about answering her question, so she asked another. She inquired whether I was the type of person who likes holistic and alternative health remedies because I reminded her of her own sister who liked to eat very health conscious. We then had a long conversation that dived into many branches of topics over health. This was someone I would’ve never talked to and knew nothing about other than her being my co-worker. But little did I know, we had so much in common.

This is only one example of what self love can do, and below are the many other benefits of choosing to love yourself more.

  1. It can move you from fear-based thinking into love-based thinking. What I mean by that is you won’t be so afraid of everything and all the choices you make because you will trust that you are capable of moving forward and making wise decisions. You won’t feel afraid of sharing opinions or ideas. You will trust that you are worthy and your ideas are worth sharing. You won’t automatically think negative about outcomes but rather feel confident that even if it fails, you are no less worthy.
  2. It can produce confidence. You will begin to feel a sense of power and authority over your own life. You will feel like a somebody, that you matter, not in an arrogant way, but in a positive “I am worthy” way.
  3. It can create connection between others. Once you begin to feel confident, you will start to also reach out to others because you are taking the focus off your self and what you lack and searching for true connection instead.
  4. It will produce patience and kindness towards yourself. You will begin to stop expecting yourself to be perfect and start loving yourself imperfectly. You will realize that you are human and that you deserve the same kindness that you show to others. You will be easier on yourself and it will only motivate you more to try new things.
  5. You will begin to feel whole. You won’t seem so desperate and seek out what you lack (love, affection, affirmation) from others. You will realize that you are whole and don’t need anyone else to fill you up to make you feel complete.
  6. You will stop striving and people pleasing. One of the things people who lack self love do is people please. You will notice you don’t have to anymore because you will already know you are worthy and don’t have to earn anyone’s love or attention.
  7. It will produce inner growth and change. You will begin to notice that you are changing. That you are taking more risks. That you are going on more adventures. And it is all because you decided to love yourself.
  8. Lastly, it will help you help others. One of the greatest things that has come from me loving myself, is not the actual love I am feeling towards myself, but being able to help others who are in the same boat as I was. Helping them see the light and realizing their own potential – that they are worthy and deserving of love.

So if that doesn’t convince you to start loving yourself, I don’t know what will. I know it’s hard. Coming from a place where I really did not know how to love myself or even what self love was, I know it’s tough to figure out how to even do it. But just take baby steps. Try to move outside of what you would normally do or what you would normally think. Take more risks. Challenge yourself. Be patient with yourself if you fail. Be kind to yourself if you don’t get it right away. Every little bit of action towards self love counts and soon enough you will see it as something normal rather than some concept that is foreign.

I hope my story has been inspiring thus far. I, myself, am still learning each and every day how to love myself better and how to be more kind and compassionate. It truly is a journey because it takes a while, but enjoy the journey. Enjoy each little step of progress. Enjoy the times you fall, and you will fall, I can promise you that. Everything is a learning experience and we must look at life that way, rather than seeing it as something absolute that we must be perfect at and understand right away.

The Self Love Challenge: I encourage you all to share your experience with me of how you are beginning to show yourself more self love. That is the challenge for today! I look forward to hearing your responses, or even if you don’t respond, at least yourself this question. How am I showing myself love today? How can I begin to show myself more self love in the future?

Hope you all are doing ok.

Christina Ciro

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