Love Vs. Fear.

Originally, I was going to write this semi-scientific explanation of the difference between love and fear-based thoughts, but I figured, how boring. People want examples. They don’t want a textbook definition of what they should be doing. They want to know how reading this blog entry will help them in real life.

That’s one of my goals with this blog. I want to relate to people on a real level. My goal is to be as real and raw in my writing, even if it makes me appear as weak. Because in reality, we are all weak on some level because we are all human. We are all still learning each and every day on how to improve ourselves and become better than we were yesterday.

So what do I mean by love and fear based thinking? Well, let’s think of it this way. You know those thoughts that pop up automatically prior to making a decision? Are they usually ones that encouraging or ones that are discouraging – like warning you not to press forward, or that you’re not really good enough yet to accomplish said task. Most of the time, it’s the latter. Us humans never truly believe that we are good enough to accomplish the things we want to accomplish. We always feel there is something lacking. Or that we are simply not ready yet. We underestimate ourselves far too often, and because of this, we rarely go after our passions and instead too often play it safe with things that we know will work out ok.

For example, my life. Every so often I have these mini-panic attacks about my future. Not a real panic attack with the full blown physical symptoms of feeling like your dying, but just these whirlwind of thoughts overloading my brains with “what if” questions that can drive a person literally mad. So today I had one of those moments while on my lunch break. I started questioning where my life was going. My career, or lack thereof, was dragging me down. I’m not doing what I wish I could be doing – which is writing full time. I feel like I’m a nobody, when in reality, I have the potential within me of being a somebody who could help many people if I could just harness that ability to make something happen. I feel broke all the time – which again is due to my own failure of not making enough money or being wise enough to manage the money I do have properly. I’m still not married, or even engaged for that matter. YES. That is a big one ok. To a woman who is approaching 30 rapidly and would like to someday have children, this is a big deal.

Ok venting time over. With all that said. All those thoughts that I just mentioned were FEAR-BASED thoughts. What did they all have in common at the root of each thought? FEAR.

Fear that my career is not going anywhere. Fear that I will never make it as a writer. Fear that I will never have enough money. Fear that I will never make it to that point in life where I want to be. Fear that I will never get married. Or have a family. Or ultimately live a happy life.

Fear is the idea that we are lacking something. And when we feel that we lack something, it begins to produce those feelings of anxiety, anger, depression, and sadness.  We start to feel insecure or undeserving. Possibly that we are not good enough to have these things. So we beat ourselves and continue to push ourselves down into the cycle and thus, getting absolutely no further in our journeys because fear-based thoughts help NO ONE.

So how do we move from fear-based thoughts to love-based thoughts? Well, like most things, it is a matter of choice. We can CHOOSE to think loving thoughts towards ourselves and most of the time it starts with actually loving ourselves enough in the first place to create these loving thoughts.

What is a love-based thought? It is a type of thought that produces feelings of positivity, security, joy, encouragement, and most of all trust. When we follow a love-based thought, we begin to trust in ourselves and our journeys more. We feel secure that things will work out in one way or another, even if we may fail at first. We see the good in something first, before we see the negative. We gain that confidence that is necessary in order to push us forward into whatever we pursuit.

I am a firm believer in affirmations and as silly as they may sometimes sound, I feel that it really can help the mind get back on track into thinking positively and positive self talk is always a good thing because it does show ourselves love rather than hate. So for today, I’d like to encourage the practice of turning our fear-based thoughts or beliefs into love-based thoughts and beliefs.

Let’s turn around some of the thoughts I was having earlier about my own life.

Fear-Based thought (FBT): 

 I’ve worked at the same job for the last 10 years, what are the odds that I can actually find a new job that I will be passionate about and make enough to continue paying my bills?

Love Based Thought (LBT):

There are always new opportunities awaiting for me everywhere. I can be successful and love my work at the same time. I believe that I will be prosperous in wherever I place my passion into.

Fear-Based thought (FBT):

I haven’t had much luck writing so far, so obviously I’m never going to be able to give up my day job and write for a living? Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to be a real writer.

Love Based Thought (LBT):

I am a great writer. Sure, I can always look for ways to expand my skills in writing, but it doesn’t mean that I am not good enough to write something now. If I continue to pursue my passion, I will find that golden opportunity. I don’t need to be famous or monetarily successful in order to feel like a great writer and that my work matters.

Fear-Based thought (FBT): 

I’m never going to get married. All my relationships fail in some way or another. I guess I’m just not lovable or something.

Love Based Thought (LBT):

I have to trust in the timing of my life. Maybe right now is not the time for me to focus on getting married or having a family. I need to learn to be patient and allow things to grow at the rate they are supposed to. I never know where my relationship will lead, but I must trust that I am deserving of love and I am a lovable person.

Fear-Based thought (FBT): 

Things just won’t change. I’m stuck. I just have to accept things the way they are.

Love Based Thought (LBT):

 I am never stuck in any situation. I always have some kind of opportunity for change. I do not have to accept my life the way it is. I can choose to make things better and they will get better if I choose to work hard at changing them. Good things do happen and will happen to me if I allow them into my life.

Fear-based thoughts will only bring us further down. Instead, we must show ourselves love and create that sense of encouragement within ourselves. Fear only hinders, while love allows room for growth. Fear is based on insecurity, while love shows that we trust where we are headed and believe that it will work out for our good.

The Self Love Daily Challenge:

Recognize the fear-based thoughts you tell yourself, then try consciously changing them into love-based thoughts to further encourage you in your journey.


Christina Ciro