Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, and everything in between!
It’s been a super busy holiday season for me but it was also a really good one. I was able to spend it with my boyfriend, as well as my family and my best friend. It was truly a holiday to remember. So there you go! That explains why I have been M.I.A for the past few weeks. But I’m back! And guess what? The Self Love Challenge is a year old! Wow. Time flies. A year ago I was just starting this blog, just discovering what it meant to finally be kind and loving towards myself. It’s definitely been a year of learning for me (what year isn’t, right?).
The past year was challenging in its own ways but I feel that it has helped me to grow even stronger and gain more insight into who I really am. I’ve learned to be more patient with myself, to take care of my own needs, to try my hardest not to be such a control freak (still working on that) and overall just be more loving towards myself and other people. But this year I want to take The Self Love Challenge even further. It’s not just about loving yourself but also creating a better, healthier lifestyle that will assist you on your journey.
For me, I want to make this year completely brand new. I want to reboot myself and my entire life. Last year was a year of big change for me and getting used to who I was and my new way of life. I realized I still was clinging to old thought patterns and behaviors, even despite knowing better. But isn’t that how we all are? We are afraid to let go of what’s familiar, so it takes a long time to reinvent our lives and learn better ways of living. But this year, I really want to focus on creating that change and growth in myself and in my life. Last year, I was still played it safe. I wanted to remain in control of every aspect of my life because I was so afraid of falling apart again. But at the end of 2015 I reflected and realized that, I’m actually a lot stronger than I believe myself to be. I didn’t fall apart. I made it through. I even came out on top in more ways than one.
This year is going to be about change, but also about surrender. What do I mean by that? Well, because last year was all about control and basically just regaining my sense of identity, I feel that this year needs to be the opposite. It needs to be about letting go and just trusting my journey. Trusting that I am on the right path and that I am being led by God in the right direction of where He wants me to be. I want to stop trying to control my future, but instead allow it to unfold naturally. I want to stop forcing things or trying too hard to make things happen. I want to surrender my worries and fears. I want to walk in faith and trust that no matter what, I’m going to make it and I’m going to be led towards something amazing.
This year I also want to stop following the path of what others believe is right for me. I want to stop people pleasing. I want to stop being led by others opinions. I want to stop being so vulnerable to the traps of comparison. No more jealousy. No more envy. No more resentment or bitterness. This year is going to be about discovery and unpredictability. Just going with the flow and learning to be ok with it.
Lately, I have been struggling a lot with this idea, so I am really challenging myself to try to accept the idea of an uncertain future and not in the sense that I have absolutely no goals or direction, but in the sense that, everything doesn’t have to be planned out to perfection. I’m a control freak and I like having things planned. I like knowing that things are going to happen in a certain way.
I want to be honest for a second. Maybe some of you can relate. This past holiday season was very happy for me, but it was also a bit sad. For whatever reason, the end of a year always gets me feeling pretty uncertain and sometimes even depressed. I start reflecting on my life and the past year and I begin to feel like I just didn’t do enough or reach enough goals or milestones. I start to compare what my friends did this past year and then I begin to feel inadequate. I ask myself questions like, “well, how come they got engaged and I still haven’t?” Or “wow, they are already buying a house and I can barely afford my rent.” It’s a toxic place to allow yourself to wander in. But every year I find myself there yet again and it’s because of that need for control. I want to know that I have control. That if I want to get married, that I can control it by making it happen, but then when I fail, I think, “what’s wrong with me!” But it doesn’t work that way. Most of the time, life doesn’t happen the way we plan for it, and we can’t feel disappointed every time our plans fail us. Instead, let’s try to just be ok with where we are in our journey. Because in the end, isn’t about the journey, not the destination? So we have to learn to enjoy that. Learn to enjoy the moments we have getting there.
This year I really want to surrender myself to my journey. I want to enjoy it for what it is and for wherever it leads. I don’t want to sit here stressed and worried about WHEN things are going to happen. I want to just ALLOW them to happen in their own timing. In God’s timing. And I REALLY don’t want to just sit here and look at how great everyone else’s lives are when my own life is really great too but I’m just too busy sulking over what I don’t have rather than appreciating what I do!
So let’s make this year a year of surrendering. Surrendering our need for control. Surrendering our plans. Surrendering our expectations. Surrendering our desires. Surrendering our envy. Let’s just LIVE. Just enjoy each and every single moment we have alive, because life is just too damn short to be so unhappy and to be overthinking every single thing in our lives. We don’t need to question everything. We don’t need an answer for every why. Sometimes we just need to allow things to happen. To give a little room for magic and mystery. Let’s leave try to have some faith and trust in our journeys.
The Self Love Challenge:
Reboot your old ways of thinking. Learn to surrender your need for control and allow things to unfold naturally in your life. Trust your journey.
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